I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
