So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Green mimosas i think yes
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
