Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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