...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
