Just cropdusted the office
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
These tits shall not be calmed
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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