We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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