My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
