then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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