New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
