thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
