Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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