kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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