you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Still dying that you shit outside
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
