I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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