oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
