My sheets look like a crime scene.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
