Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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