Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
