There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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