When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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