i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i think my cat just said my name.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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