i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
