He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
vagina is talking i cant
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
