please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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