Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
