I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
