"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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