Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
