I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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