I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
