I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wish you could order shots online.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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