no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
