You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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