i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
