This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
