Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
