if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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