U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
