I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
