I hope mine doesn't look like that
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
