i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
