apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Found the puke drawer
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
