you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
