Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
