Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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