I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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