i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
