i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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