So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
