Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
