sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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