this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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