Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
