I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
