This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
